Broken

I received my last phone call from Daniel last night. It absolutely broke my heart. He was so nervous and wanting to come home...made me sick. I've never had such a urge to jump in my car and just go get him, even knowing I can't.

I feel so helpless...he has always been here for me when I've needed him during hard times, now during the most difficult time of his life, I have to sit back and do nothing, because I have no choice. How is that fair?

He is always the strong one and last night, the rolls reversed and I don't know how I feel about it. He is about to endure 10 weeks of the hardest mental and physical training of his life. I hope they don't mess him up to bad. I don't want him to come home, totally different. I fell in love with pre-Army Daniel...not the soldier Daniel, so that makes me nervous. I hope he can come home and relax and not feel like someone is going to be breathing down his back the whole time.

Every night since hes left i have the dream we are at Graduation and I am finally seeing him...its so real, then I wake up and its so far. Its not fair...it is just not fair. My mental health is going down the drain lately...this is just tough.