The First

Last night I experienced my first real mental break down of my life. I thought I had had one, but last night was real, too real.

I was just talking to my mom about it and trying to get feelings out and I just broke down, had to walk away and just cry..and cry... it sucked. And my poor mother, she just comforted me because theirs nothing else she can do. I just couldn't control my body or my emotions at that point, I was mentally exhausted.

But Daniel texted me this morning :) at 5:45 AM :( . All it said was "I miss you.." that just broke my heart. Because I think its hitting him now, like it hit me Monday. So I didn't go back to sleep...my heart started racing, and I began panicing...This is really scaring me. I've never had so called "panic attacks". Like my mind knows hes fine..but its a mind battle...and its all about myself, I ask myself am I fine though? No.

Do I have to eventually be? Yes. God I hope I will be. I have good friends and a good mother to help me just breath and try to move on from a moment. Thats all I need right now..just to help get through the moment.

I have to work at the halloween store from 4-9. I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I am going to try. People make me panic at this point.