Good Grief

So today is Daniel's birthday. All was well, I made it through the day of our 2 year anniversary, no problem. Happy as a lark ( I have yet to find out what a lark is).

Well tonight we go out to Nikkos Steakhouse, (great food by the way) located in Tyrone. Well its hibachi style so we have the chef, yada yada.

Well my chef singles me out for being the quiet girl, wish he would of focused more on my mom since it was her birthday! I was called Taylor Swift wanna be. Her hair is SO much better than mine. Anyways...the chef is like "awww you can go call him tonight..." I just sat in a bit of shock for 2 seconds...because..I can't call him. It hit me like a ton of bricks I wasn't celebrating Daniels birthday with him. So I teared up...saved it that time though. Was able to catch myself and bring myself together.

Then he started in again about how I can call him later...then they start talking about how Daniels in the Army...and I lost it. I couldn't stop myself, I felt like crap. I had to get up from the table. I was SO embarassed. I actually ended up leaving early, because I didn't want to sit there in front of people being upset, I hate looking vulnerable. It is REALLY not my style.

I hate being that upset when people have gone through 10x worse than what I am going through right now, I hate that. Makes me feel stupid. I have to tell myself "Courtney, SUCK IT UP!"

I am not this girl, never thought I would miss a man this much, or be this upset over a man. Anyone will tell you...that is not usually how I go about things. Generally, I am VERY independent and I don't need a man to do anything type of person. But unfortunately the love bug bit me... and bit hard. So I really do need him. Guess this is what falling in love does to you?

Good grief...is all I can say about myself right now. If its not one thing...it's another...and I wish I was a man in some situations so I didn't have to cry so much.

I had a moment...I really hate these moments.