So since Daniel has left I have talked to him every day. What a stinking teaser, because I know my luck. He will get to Jackson, and I won't talk to him barely ever!
Its really unfortunate, Daniel was suppose to leave yesterday, and he got held back instead. Had to many guys already on the bus! Then this morning hes texting me, (because he finally has his phone) he finally got called up and will get to go.
He made the mistake of telling me, that if he didn't get called today he would quit and come home and try something else, like Navy or UTI ( mechanic school). So selfish me was like DON'T CALL HIM UP! He can come home! So so so so selfish of me.
But of course at like 9 am, he got called up this morning. So he is officially going. I knew he would get called up...but I had a last glimpse of hope.
You see the military life, isn't for me. I don't think it ever will be. But to be with him, I will make it my life. I never pictured marrying someone, who is never going to be around...because deployments are going to happen, whether I like it or not.
I can only cross my fingers and hope that this war starts to end..and he doesn't have to go. But I don't have much hope of that either...I am barely handling this much less a deployment, so we will just have to see how I can work out my emotions. I can't stop thinking about him..and being somewhat sad..so I don't know what the heck I would do during that.
My emotions are so up and down right now..and not only that I have a stomach bug! ewwww. So I really feel like crap. Unfortunately I think the only thing that is going to make me feel okay is getting to see Daniel in December...I don't like the way im feeling right now, and im not sure how in the world I am going to get out of this rut.
It is so difficult to go from seeing someone..everyday..sometimes all day..to not seeing them at all..and not only seeing them but even hearing their voice. It puts me in a tail spin. BIG TIME.
I feel pathedic..and like a loser..because I am so dependent on him. Its not even right...but I am..and so be it. I always will be. Women are always telling me ENJOY IT! Its a nice break! Youll want these breaks later in life..and..thats so sad to me...I am like he is your husband..don't you want to have him home? I mean yeah one or 2 weeks, no biggy...
But when women get excited their husbands are leaving for months...that just saddens me. I love Daniel, and I love being with him. Hints why I want to marry him. Sometimes I just don't understand it.
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