Merry Christmas to All!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas season and just the Holidays in general. I know I am.Probably because my one and only is home...Daniel. My future husband is FINALLY a solider of The United States Army. Pretty stinkin cool. Not going to lie...the uniform looks good on him. He looks a lot different, he lost a lot of weight which I know he is happy about.

It was a long 2 1/2 months to get him back but we finally did it. He leaves again on January 3rd again. Not suppose to talk about solider orders on the internet so I will just leave it at that. If you want to know details...ask him! haha

This will be a short post just because I have better things to be doing at the moment, and I don't think anyone cares but hey! I tell it like it is! Again I hope everyone has a really Merry Christmas and that every one of your wishes and dreams come true. Don't forget what Christmas is about either, I know that without our God we wouldn't even have Christmas or this great time of year. I know without him, I wouldn't have all my family back together this year and I am lucky to have Daniel home for even this long. Just feeling really blessed this season...definitely a Christmas for the books.

Thank you!

I only have 8 days and a wake up before I see Daniel. He has done it! Well...almost. He has to make it through Victory Forge this week and I am still not sure if he passed his final Physical Training test. But I am sure he did and he wasn't one bit worried about Victory Forge, so hes basically done!
Oh and if you are wondering what Victory Forge is it is a 5 days field training exercise that the Soldiers in Training do at the end of their 10 weeks at basic, like a passing into becoming a solider, for lack of better words. Also they have to do a 10 mile march back, ew!
Anyways!
For everyone that has stuck by me these 10 weeks, thank you. You all have been nothing but supportive and encouraging. This was a very new experience for me and I couldn't of made it through this without the help of a lot of my friends and family and soon to be family. I did a lot of praying and looking to God for answers this past 10 weeks and I know more than anyone God has held me up through this. This experience has reinforced that feeling of knowing their is a higher power and it is something much greater than any of us.

I was really fortunate during this experience. I had built it up in my mind that I wouldn't speak or hear from Daniel for 10 weeks. Luckily that was not the case. I have recieved many letters and A LOT more phone calls than I ever imagined. I never expected phone calls and they've been coming regularly on Sundays since about the 3rd week. I thank God for those phone calls, they brought me back up when I was the most down.

My friends have been most awesome during this experience. They were there when I needed them and were a shoulder to cry on when I needed them. People I barely know have become my support system and that is really refreshing.

I thank God for the people in my life...I couldn't do it without them.

The preparations for Daniel coming home have begun and I am overly happy. I am going to the grocery store soon to restock my house with our usuals. That excites me...it's the small things right?

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me through this! You are all amazing people!

This Old House

Since I have been living in my grandparents home and getting it ready for resell...it really just makes me dream and re live a lot of memories.

This house was built by the hands of my grandfather,my father,and my uncle and many of their friends. It holds a lot of personal value to a lot of us. As a child this house was the biggest playground I had. From upstairs in each of the bedrooms to the 10 acre spread of land I could run all over. It was a childs dream to say the least.

I love this house with most of my being. You aren't suppose to love things...but I love this house. I love it because it just isn't a thing to me...it's a lot of my memories. I fear that once we no longer have this house the memory of my grandparents will fade. Now deep down I know they won't but in my mind I don't have many memories with them not in this house.

From Christmas time in the nice living room where if you dropped any food on the carpet my grandmother was likely to murder you or from spending the night and going back in my grandfathers shop and eating pop corn and watching movies...I love the memories.

I will never forget them as long as I live. It is unfortunate we cannot keep this house forever and whenever we need it to be there it will be...but that is unrealistic.

I can only hope that some family with kids lives here and those kids get have this amazing play ground like I did when I was a child....but I can only hope.

My biggest dream is to come back in 10 years and this house still be standing here...in all of its glory...but I can only dream.

Gets My Blood Boiling

Okay so the military has this whole respect thing...I get it.
Well on the facebook page today the (wonderful) volunteers who run the page hit on the fact that over doing the PDA on family day is not necesscary and people should not do it and yada yada...

No jumping the bones on Family Day...Check.

BUT, okay maybe this is my whole problem with authority or something...but who is to tell me I can't kiss my fiance whenever I please?

Like I said I get the whole not jumping their bones and being respectable and such, because I am a classy lady and I do know how to act...but really?

The whole issue of the military gets my blood boiling because...it seems we are fighting for a freedom that none of the soldiers have. For example...Daniel cannot drive while he is on leave from basic...some rule they have about soliders in training. I understand they signed a contract and they basically signed their lives over to the military in doing so...but wouldn't you think the freedoms we they are fighting for they would get a taste of? All of it just seems a little ridiculous sometimes...thats all.

I know a lot of people will probably will disagree with this saying they should have the strictest of training and they should have no privileges...they are our military. Well take a look at it from a family members perspective...it is not only the solider that is giving up daily freedoms it is their family as well.

DO NOT get me wrong, I am more than appreciative for the people that serve in the military...I just sometimes think some of the things they do are kind of on the ridiculous side. That is all I am trying to say.

ALSO maybe this is just a venting tool for me...and I love it FYI. The facebook page that represents Daniels batallion is great...I mean amazing for family members. BUT the mothers that are on that page posting sometimes 2-3 times a day commenting on EVERYONES comments or posts is ANNOYING! And I would delete you off my feed but I can't do that because I don't want to delete the facebook page so I don't miss out on important information! You need to get a life, I wish I had that much time to post on a facebook page...but unfortunately I work...and have a life! I am not saying you shouldn't support your son/daughter in everything they do but let them breathe a bit! If I post a one sentence comment, I don't need you to post a whole book as a reply. My gosh. Like I said...a little ridiculous.

All of the other family members are just as excited as you to get their son,daughter,fiance,wife, husband home...but lay off for a couple days.

I am sure this whole venting is my problem with authority and with anyone telling me what I can and can't do...not a fan of it...never have been. Ask my parents. BUT I do know when to be respectful and I will be on family day...never said I wasn't, but doesn't mean I totally agree with it. :) I know the day of family day and graduation this won't even matter but right now, it gets under the skin...

Nothing Fair About It

2nd post of the day...

I've been waiting all day for a phone call from Daniel and it has yet to happen. It is still early for when he usually calls...but I know for a fact some companies have their phones all day. Why can't he?

And it NEVER fails, I start watching the news and they start talking about our military over seas...and then it never fails they bring up the brave men and women who have lost their lives. They reported on Robert Collins...he is from Tyrone, GA and went to Sandy Creek High School. He lost his life by car bomb in Iraq. It hits home, and hard...

I am suppose to be thankful on these holidays but when I watch things like that...I just cry and cry...because I am very realistic...and I say to myself...that could be Daniel. I know I can't always think like that...and I don't...but it hits home when I see those things. That is my future husband and no offense and maybe I am selfish but I don't want my future husband and my future father of my children to lose his life for people who don't even think about those kind of things...or people that don't even care about their freedoms. I don't want him dieing for them.

I know this is a lot to swallow...trust me I know. But I really wonder...how do Military wives keep their heads up when they face these types of thing every stinking day...

I can't imagine...and even more so...I never want too...
I cry and pray for those families who have lost a loved one to this war and any war...there is nothing fair about it.

Giving Thanks

I am thankful for...

1. God and the life He has given me...no really...if there was no God, I wouldn't be here.
2. A roof over my head
3. My fiance...I miss him, dearly.
4. Zachary Higgins is home to spend the Holidays with his family!
5. My family
6. My friends who are there no matter what...when most of my family isn't.
7. The military...I have a whole new appreciation for them.
8. Making it through the past 2 months...its been a task in itself
9. Being able to go to school, trying not to screw it up!
10. Having a job, I love my job and most can't say that. It may be only temporary...but it's been a blessing to meet the people I see on a daily basis.

I know everyone has a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. The world is a tough place but there is always the bright side of things, and we should always find them. I am trying to remind myself of that today. I miss Daniel a lot and it really brings me down, but I know he will be home. Really really really soon. So I am just going to dwell in the good things today and hope for the best.

Freedom!

Great things happened yesterday! Zach Higgins was let out of jail on bond after a year and a half away from his family. I am so thankful that he and his family get to spend the holidays together. God is so good. I am so glad to see my best friend smile the way she did yesterday!

It was just a crazy day yesterday and by crazy I mean wonderful. I haven't had that overwhelming feeling of happiness in awhile and it was SO GOOD to feel that again.

It is not over, but we are one step in the right direction.

2 days before the big Turkey Day, I wish I had Daniel here but oh well, one more Holiday or special occasion without him, then he will be home for the next big one. Yay! Finally we are getting close...I try not to think about it as much as possible because the more I think about him and everything the further it seems. Everyone that has loved ones at Fort Jackson seem to already be packing and starting a list of what to take...I can't even do that to myself yet. I just can't. Because that makes it real when that happens and when it becomes real it needs to be the day before I see him...my emotions will be on high and I can't have them on high that long before I see him.

I keep telling everyone I can't wait for Thanksgiving Day...I always eat the best on that day and I always take the best nap on that day. Just a tradition around here...eat...nap...repeat...I may throw in some scrapbooking because I haven't been keeping up with the scrapbook ive been doing of myself and Daniel. Just not enough time...and I guess that is a great thing.

I have some major cleaning to do in the next 3 1/2 weeks...and party planning. I am giving Daniel a welcome home party on the 18th. It will be fun! I am thinking bon fire...or just something in the house. I think bon fire would be more fun though, who knows though. Just for him to see his friends is the major point of it though!

Let the Holidays officially begin this week! YAY!

complaining about complainers...

I am going to complain about complainers and whiners...so hear me out.
Maybe it is the lack of sleep thats making me ornery...actually I can almost bet on it...but bare with me...
People that are openly negative with other people and people that always complain drive me up the damn wall. Excuse my language.

I mean have they never heard...if you have nothing good to say don't say anything at all...
Okay yes, I am not perfect...I have been negative...I have been the debbie downer...but the people that are like that 24/7...get freaking real.

For instance I won't name names...and if this person reads this...so be it. If you want to confront me about it, go for it, because I will tell you the same thing...
BUT this person...ive seen it all over facebook...my senior year sucks...I don't want to remember it because so and so's significant other broke up with them. GET REAL you are a senior in high school...embrace it...screw that other person. good gosh.

And maybe my whole situation has put things in perspective and such...but I also HATE hearing girls say how much they miss their boyfriends or significant others when you will most likely see them tomorrow...what about those girls that don't see their man for 6 months at a time...or a year...get tough sweet heart. Just makes me want to literally punch someone...

Blah okay I am done!

So its official. I am getting married in march! eeeeeeeeeee! (insert girly scream)

Me and Daniel have been discussing through letters and phone calls how we will just do the "courthouse" wedding in March then the big thing hopefully in September like i've been wanting. Long as he doesn't get deployed or we are out of the country. Cross my fingers. Even though I wouldn't mind living out of the country...bring it on!

It was really a mind battle on whether or not we would do the March thing or just wait...but being apart really kind of set it in perspective...for both of us. NO more being apart unless absolutely have to. I think in half of my letters from Daniel...at the end he says...just FYI we are getting married in March...like I could forget.

It is going to be a small family thing, so don't anyone get offended if you don't get an invite! I'll take care of you in the big wedding! Promise! When and If I do the big wedding...I am thinking about just doing a big reception/party instead of doing the ceremony. I mean I will already be married...I just want to be able to enjoy that fact with everyone. I don't know...just an idea for now. Tell me what you think! I need opinions and ideas!

A lot of opinions I get think it is tacky, but what in the WORLD are military couples suppose to do? Like get off your high horse. I am not doing it to get gifts. I can do without them...I just want to enjoy the event with everyone!

Who knows, need suggestions!

Crossing My Fingers

This time change is really messing with me. I get so use to the summer and it staying light until 8-9 PM. Then I can't sleep past 8 or so...not cool. This morning I suppose the cleaning bug got into me and I just started cleaning and organizing my room. It still doesn't look even remotely the way I want it too.

I want Daniel to come home and be like Oh! It looks good! But...no change except it has stayed a little cleaner without him leaving his dirty clothes or xbox stuff everywhere. At this point...all I want is the dirty clothes everywhere and the xbox cords everywhere...I can't wait for that again.

As of tomorrow only 30 days left...4 weeks. I am currently waiting on a phone call, crossing my fingers I get one. We've gotten on this pattern of letters on Monday & Wednesday then nothing until Sunday then I get a phone call. So I live for Sundays...living for that phone call...pretty sad.

It makes me emotional when I even think about it...I just miss him. I have these sappy moments. I hate it. I am not this girl, but he definitely makes me hurt when he isn't here. It's not his fault...he did this for himself and like he said in many of his letters he did this for us and our future. I love him for that...and as i've said many times...really hate the distance part of it.

I keep thinking about that moment of seeing him for the first time at Family Day...and I just have really no idea what my reaction will be. I mean I will of course be excited...but I can't judge if I am going to bawl like a baby or bawl and be smiling...I will probably shed a few tears.

Definitely been the hardest 2 1/2 months of my life. Never had an understanding that one person being gone would change my life so much.

deals

I am officially an old fart...I am watching Antiques Roadshow. No offense to others who watch and are not "old farts".
This stuff just interests me...I am hoping one day I will see something on there that is in my grandmothers house and we will be rich. psssh. Right.

Today was a good day...got up about 9...didn't move out of bed til about 10...showered...and relaxed for awhile. Went and got mom had lunch at yummy Partners.

Then I took a big step today...I went to Daniels house. (Dun Dun Dun) I haven't set foot in the McIntyre home since Daniel left. It was just to hard. It was hard to even go into my own house...much less his. But I figured, it has been a month. Time to suck it up and do it. So I did. I dealt, and I was okay. It was all good. I got to see Hanky Pank. LOVE that dog. I also got to see my future mother in law...I love her too ;) It was just one of those steps that I had to make...it is a lot of memories over coming you at once. You just have to run with it, and deal.

After that large step...I decided I had about 2 hours before I had to go get my mom, I would go do some shopping. Before we moved I went on a cleaning spree..and by cleaning I mean...if I hadn't worn it in 6 months...or if it didn't fit...it was thrown out and by thrown out I mean donated. So my winter clothes had become slim pickins. So I decided to treat myself to a little Ross therapy. Spent about $45..not to shabby! Got some really cute things, and thats saying a lot, I never find things that fit right in there!

Got mom...then went to the Red Door Consignment store to try and drop off some Xmas stuff...we were too late...so we shopped instead! ha-ha so I got a new pair of jeans for only $10.00! Woot Woot for deals!

sidenote

WHY must I keep having these dreams?!

Like my mental health cannot take this anymore. HAHA
I hear your dreams are sometimes your worst fear...I don't know the total write up on dreams or anything but thats what i've heard.

But my dreams have been HORRIBLE. Night before last...Daniel was breaking up with me...Last night Daniel was leaving me because he felt the military life was not fair to me. Like really?! Quit that!

I do my best to think positive thoughts before bed...because, I believe going to bed on a positve note...is well positive.

So sidenote to my dreams...Daniel isn't leaving me, so be gone!

Lets hope for a better day today, like a phone call or a letter or BOTH! How about that?!

Keebler

I am really bummed today. I can't shake the feeling. I have my good days and I have my bad days...this is one of those inbetween days.

I think I am so bummed because I had such a rough day at work. I am frustrated because the little one is in his terrible twos. He is also in the I want my mommy phase all the time...and I don't blame him one bit...but when his mom needs to work and theres no way I can pull him away from her I feel like I am slacking on my job, and it frustrates me. Because I hate that. But I can't fight his will to want his mom...I mean...who can?

I am looking forward to this weekened...GA vs. Auburn...lets get it Dawgs. I mean I have a really bad feeling we are going to get stomped. But its still fun to watch.

On Friday I am taking my granddaddy to have surgery on his thumb...something about his nerves isn't right. So prayers for him please :)

I went to Rite Aid to get a prescription and noticed all of my favorite keebler brand cookies were on sale...they are now stashed in my room because my dad has the same love for chocolate as I do...so I have to hide everything!Thats the only part of only child syndrome I have...I don't share...well...with my parents. Ha-ha! But they are so yummy, made my heart happy for a moment.

My body hurts...I just want to crawl in bed...I hope that doesn't mean I am getting sick because usually when my body hurts like this...its the beginning of a nasty cold or something else. UGH! Never good! I fear I am going to get sick when Daniel is getting ready to graduate from BCT and i'll be miserable in the middle of December Cold...but I know that no illness will overcome the happiness I'll have to see him.

36 more days...c'mon with it!

Monday Monday...

Monday Monday...ooooh.

It was definitely a Monday...hectic...hectic...hectic...

Worked at the office today watching Pierson. He has definitely hit the terrible two's. Its almost funny when he pitches a fit, but its all about that testing process. Testing the boundaries is what he is all about. And that's okay, he should test his boundaries. All two year olds do.

The picture above is my life right now...my cats. Since I am waiting patiently for my man to get home I have inevitably become the cat lady in my house. The 2 kitties on the right are mine...well I call them mine; Samantha and Little Bit. The one on the left is my moms cat, Whiskers. She is hitting her senior citizen stage finally and she has been banned from my room..got home today and she had threw up on my bed and pooped in my laundry basket. Big no no in my room...so kitty is banned.

I hate when our pets get older...its like the ending of an era in your life because a pet definitely sees a lot things in the years they are in our lives. I know when my dog died last month I was lost. She was there through some of the toughest times of my life...although a silent member...she was there. So it hurt to know that comfort was no longer there.

I've debated with many people whether or not animals go to Heaven...I have a hard time believing they don't. Why would God give you a creature so great and not deem it good enough to go to Heaven? And no one can tell me that an animal doesn't have a soul. I know more animals that have souls then some people.

But it is all up for debate...I know where I stand on it. I truely hope that when I get to heaven I have some great animals there to help greet me.

10 Minutes

I never thought in a million years that a 10 minute phone call would change my outlook on the start of my week.

I had gotten really down since Wednesday when I hadn't gotten any more letters. I know...I am pathedic and shouldn't be so worried. But I am...so back off! So I was really hoping for a phone call tonight, and I didn't know if it was going to happen, but it did!

10 minutes of happiness. Daniel is really upbeat...I wouldn't say he is enjoying himself, but he isn't complaining either. So thats good. He qualified on his rifle! Yipee...like 34 out of 40 shots? Something like that? I don't know all the lingo and stuff. All I know if Daniel has a shot to kill me...he will probably make it...so I better not make him mad. ha-ha!

I messed with him and told him I was feeling almost single...he was like that ring means you are far from single. I laughed, and told him of course. I feel like the old cat lady right now...3 cats on my bed trying to stay warm...far from single and searching.

This is the hardest thing I've done in my life being away from him...I am sure I will endure much harder things, but this is tough and I am doing it. Which makes me remember I am independent...I can do things on my own. Almost a relief. Don't judge me for becoming dependent on him...I didn't realize how dependent I even was until he was gone. He didn't realize it either...his first letters broke my heart because he hit that moment of wow... I do need her around. Broke my heart and made extremely happy to know I am needed just as much.

I like this love stuff...its exciting and happy.

Grannas Attic update!

Hello everyone!

Here is my update on the things I posted on my last "Grannas Attic" post!

The Jaymar Piano we have is not worth as much as I thought it might be. I have seen it vary in prices from $20-40. Well that is a tank of gas, so not to shabby. It is made here in the USA, probably in the 60's.

The black dolls I found I could never find an exact match for. I don't know if there really is. I don't know if these are home made or if there is many of these out there. The name Mammy Dolls is coming up in a lot of my searches with similar looks. They had price ranges all over. I never found any with the same clothes though, or any with a big doll and a smaller doll. This makes me wonder if my grandmother may have made these...I doubt it...but I wonder.

Onto probably my favorite thing...the playskool House Jack Built. From what I can find, House Jack Built is a rhyme...very long, very boring. If you would like to read it, google it. But I found one house similar on the internet, not the same pieces. I seemed to have more of the pieces. But this person, hadn't put a price on it and hadn't listed a year. So I am still up in the air and looking.

Another thing I really love is the small guitar I found. I found a lot of minature guitars for sale but none with the same Western pattern. All of the ones I found seemed to have a spanish flare to it. So no price...no year...no value. NO clue! ha-ha

If anyone is interested in these items please contact me via facebook or my email which is courtneyperry@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading!

I really wonder if anyone ever reads this thing except my mom...ha-ha. Well I know a few people do!

Busy is a Blessing

WHAT a day...
God truely blesses me with how busy he keeps me. Yes being busy is a blessing in my eyes. Today was a special day. The toddler I watch on a regular basis had his 2nd birthday party today!
His real birthday isn't until the 20th, but wanted to get it in before it got too cold! Shashura his mom had it had Bobs Pumpkin Patch in Newnan. TOOOO Cute! Here is some pictures of one of the main men in my life.

This is Pierson and his great grandmother...how special is that?

Some of the Peacocks from the Pumpkin Patch. They were beautiful. The peacocks compared to the fall colors were just awesome.

After the party I went to the Halloween store...dun dun dun. Today was inventory today. Well besides someone breaking the printer which we needed the most today...it was a long process. We aren't even done. We have to box everything tomorrow. Wup De Do! I officially hate halloween now...I have seen enough squishy bats...chopped off heads...and blood to last me a lifetime. But I made money...and yes money is bueno.

It is so cold outside...I love it. I would love it more if I had my man to cuddle with like every other girl...But no I get to read other girls status's on facebook about how much they adore their man and enjoying their time. I am not bitter at all. :) Only 39 more days...Thank the Lord above!

Grannas Attic!

Hello!

Okay if anyone knows my familia, they know the daunting task we are taking on at the moment. The cleaning out process of my grandparents home. Now, we come across some pretty neat things in this house. Probably a lot of things are left to be discovered. Well I want to share the things we are finding. Welcome to my new little section I want to do once a week (don't hold me to that). Welcome to Grannas Attic!

This set of block figures goes with the school

house below. No clue its worth no clue if it's even worth anything for that matter!

I just liked it!

Okay the big doll below I found in the actual attic and remembered

I had seen the little one somewhere, so I found it. So heres a set. What they are worth and their name? No clue. Will get back to you!

Okay this pretty little mini piano I have been playing with since I can remember. It stands about a foot tall. It says JAYMAR made in USA. So I will have to do my research I suppose.


Here is the little play house that goes with the figures in the first picture. The above ones are the shapes that go in the windows. It is unusual. I don't know what to think about it.

It's made by playskool. Research to follow.

I have seen this little guitar in this house for years and years. I don't know where it came from or any origin. It doesn't have any kind of trademark or name on it.

So I don't know what to think about it.

But I like it.

I have some more to add but I will just save that for next week. I want to research these first. Look back soon for an update to see if I found anything on these items.

If any of my readers know anything about any of these items, let me know!

I am all about learning new things!

Thanks!

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41

Changed the blog big time...got tired of seeing the blue. Wanted something that was more geared towards my life at the moment. Well I think I hit that nail on the head. I will probably change it 50 more times in the future, but oh well its fun and something to do.

41 more days until Daniel comes home...seems so far away, but he left October 4th...that was a long time ago...I can't believe how fast time is flying. The phone calls and letters are helping tremendously.

I am looking forward to my next time goal...Thanksgiving... for a couple reasons. One, I get to keep Hank one of my favorite dogs on this earth. Love him. 2nd, the food. Nothing beats thanksgiving. Of course all that family stuff thrown in there...haha...I know I am heartless.

Also, Thanksgiving means all of my friends will be home for break. These are the times I enjoy the most because my friends mean the world to me, and I really miss them when they are off at school.

I wish Daniel would be here for Thanksgiving, but since we have been dating I don't think we've spent one Thanksgiving together anyways, just because we have different family events going on. So hopefully I won't be to down because of that. A phone call would be nice though.

I am so ready for this basic training thing to be over with...it seems it's all I focus on 24/7. And if I get lucky, I can concentrate on something else for a couple hours.

I am definetely going to give Daniel one good punch when he gets home for all the worry and tears he has caused me during this. But then smile and say I love you, because that's what couples do. Well this couple anyways...

I wouldn't trade it for anything else, that is something I am sure of.

I am sure many people think I need to get a life and find something to do...don't get me wrong. I am working almost full time, and going to school. So I am not wasting away at my computer every day or waiting at my mail box for a letter. I do get on with life, in my own way.

This new experience causes me to focus heavily on it, because its new. It is like when you get a new purse or a new pair of jeans. You want to wear it or carry it constantly, because it is new...

I am trying on and carrying this experience with me until it feels no longer new and I can find some normalcy to my life...normalcy...wouldn't that be great.

Seeing Red

Cold weather has finally arrived to Georgia...about time. I was getting worried with those 80 degree days in October. I was listening to WSB in the car and they said possible snow flurries this weekend! Heat from hell to snow flurries...never fails. Only in Georgia.

Well last night was the big election! Seems like the republicans took back over! How welcomed that is! I will admit. I did not vote. Here are my reasons...
1. I didn't care for Barnes or Deal, none tickled my fancy. Even the libertarian.
2. I had no idea what ammendments I would be voting for, that isn't fair to go in blind.
3. People going in blind and ignorant is how Obama got elected, see how that has worked out for us?
I also felt going to vote a straight republican ticket was not doing my duty as a citizen without really doing the research to know what person wants what and what they plan on doing. I did not want to be that ignorant voter. So next election, I will be on it. I will be well versed.

Listening to Obamas speech today made me calm for some reason. I don't know if the man was talking out his rear end, but he seemed humbled by the elections last night. Now don't get me wrong...I did not vote for Obama, nor do I agree with about 90% of what comes out of his mouth. But he is still human, and I still respect him. I couldn't run this country. I also pray for him frequently. He is a high priority on my prayer list. Because he holds my parents, me and my future husband, and my future children, and their childrens future in his hands. I think prayer is much needed. Not the hatred...

Like I was hearing on WSB today...the beast called "We the People" have awoken...and we will not go away. We are coming across loud and clear now...I am proud of our people. We will make it right again. Whatever right is. Time for a REAL change, and not the one Obama has been talking about.

Because quite honestly, I haven't seen much change that he promised. I know change does not happen over night...I am realistic and knew it would take time. But c'mon...even this ignorant southern girl from Georgia knows something isn't right.

Busy weekend ahead...Piersons 2nd birthday party, inventory at the halloween store, and just cleaning and trying to do something with this house. Oh and writing plenty of letters...really enjoying that part of my life right now.

My dad had surgery on his wrist this morning. He came through just fine. He had it done at resurgeons in Morrow, first class people. Would recommend them with anyone with a broken bone.
Dad has got his pain pills, so he is a happy camper.

If you have extra time in your life or you feel the call, everyone should write to a soldier. They really rely on the support of others. It is a really cool thing to support someone in camo during these times.

God bless!

BLAH

So I started googling Army Wives blogs today...found a good few, and they simply scare me. All they talk about is their kids and their husbands deployments or future deployments. Some have 1 child others have 4. It is simply mind boggling.

I respect these women more than most. This whole possible deployment thing scares me so much. I know Daniel won't be on the front lines, but who wants their partner gone for a year or more? I know I don't. But I know it is apart of the job. But I really HATE that part of the job, and the unknown, I don't favor that either!

These women talk about their husbands missing births of children...major holidays...etc. I think I can deal with the holidays, but missing the birth of a child? That BLOWS my mind. So hopefully no babies for me and Daniel until I know he can be there, and as for having babies. Not happening, ANYTIME soon. I like to give them back to the parents.

BLAH! Just overwhelming stuff that my mind can't deal with.

wedding plans

Lately I have been floating around ideas of wedding plans. It is REALLY hard to plan a wedding when you have no idea where you will be in 4 1/2 months. Daniel could get deployed...we could be shipped out to Germany...or who knows. So planning my wedding seems really minor at the moment.

At this point, me and Daniel will probably get married in a private "court house" wedding, then do something later when we can pin down something more exact. Because if he gets shipped over seas besides Afghanistan...I am going with! No arguments. Not doing this whole living apart thing anymore if I don't have to! Shoot Daniel wants to get married when he gets home for Christmas, I don't think so! This basic training does weird things to these men...ha-ha.

I tried to see if I could cut down my wedding invite list by 85 people today to get it down to 100 people, wasn't happening. It was mind boggling, because I want to invite all the people I love, and so does Daniel. Makes it REALLY difficult.

But I know in the end Daniel could do the court house wedding and be done. Most men would rather go that route...and at this point I am not arguing. They seem to be the smart ones in the end.

Yes I am a girl and want the beautiful wedding dress, the cake, the invitations, and the beautiful reception. Don't get me wrong, I want it all. But, it's not what it's about.

The stress of not knowing where you will land in a couple months is over whelming. Then trying to plan a wedding when you don't know where you will land...is more like chaotic.

I would like to go shopping for a wedding dress, but I am almost scared to even do that! I shouldn't be scared to plan my wedding but I totally am!

Not going to lie, not being in control of what happens to me or Daniel is SCARY. Anyone will tell you, I like to be in control of the situation...for example. I would rather drive a million miles then let someone else drive. Because if something happens in the car...I would rather be in control because I think I am more capable of handling it better. That's just how I am. Hints why me and Daniel argue a lot over who is going to drive. Because he never lets me! And I don't like it.

Besides the point. It's scary and this whole Army is totally stretching me out of my comfort zone, maybe it's a good thing. I haven't decided yet. The unknown is just plain scary. A lot scarier now than it was before. Scarier because I don't know whether or not my future husband is going to be shipped to Afghanistan or Iraq to help fight this war...well not fight. But fix a lot diesel trucks ha-ha. But still, not cool.

Oh well I am just counting my lucky stars and saying a prayer that we are the lucky ones and he doesn't get deployed, but trust me. I am not holding my breath.

Happy Dance

Happy Halloween Everyone!

I decided I wasn't leaving the bed today, it was a success. I've been watching The Haunted on Animal Planet...about spirits affecting children and animals, creepy, but fitting for Halloween.

But to make my boring day better, DANIEL CALLED! I got to talk to him for almost a whole 30 minutes. Doesn't sound like very long, but in military time and with them usually being busy, it was a long time. But they get Sundays off in basic, which I know is nice for the boys, rest is always nice. I am estatic I got to talk to him that long, I could do a happy dance, but I won't embarass myself. Just yet.

It gives me chills when he will ask me over and over again "Will you marry me?" Like he doesn't already know the answer! I didn't cry the first time he really asked me to marry him...out of pure shock...now when he just asks it to make me smile, I cry and tear up.

But its just reassuring to know the Army hasn't totally made him into some bad ass killing machine. Ha-ha. Welcome to another fear of mine.

I think I should name this blog " Daniel" it ends up always being about him, but you know, if you don't like it, don't read it. Its only for me to vent or share things. So there ya go. Its all relevant to me so it makes me happy to write about the good and the bad.

I am listening to Shane and Shane right now, my favorite band of ALL time. They are Christian artists, if you have time, please check them out on Itunes, or even their blog. They are truely inspirational men that do things for the right reasons. Also, their voices will blow you away. Their CD's truely do not do them justice. Seeing them live in concert is life changing...and that is the truth. They give you chills! Because you can honestly feel the presecence of God in the room when they have a concert and their is a group of believers singing and praising God. I have chills now. I wish they would come back to Georgia sometime soon!

Okay Okay, I am having a itch and I need to scratch it. The itch would be to adopt a new dog. After Daisy died, my house honestly feels dead. I have never gone more than a couple weeks without a dog in my house 24/7. We have 2 other dogs, Ruby and Baxter. But in all honesty, those 2 are made for the outdoors and not to be inside dogs! So it makes it tough, I love those 2 more than life itself, but I can't have one chewing everything and one peeing all over everything! I have been watching Animal Planet (do you see a reoccuring theme?) and this show called Pitbulls and Parolees. I am a animal lover down to my core. I have never been afraid of any breed of dog, and a Pit Bull is no exception, I think they are beautiful. But they get such a bad rap, and its the humans fault, not the animals! I know Chiuahas that can be just as aggressive as a pit, may not pack as much of a punch. But you get what I am saying!

I see all of these pits needing homes, and I want to adopt one. I know people think they are the most dangerous breed and would NEVER bring one in their home. But why not? Probably 90% of most pits are like your average dog you have. Why not give them that chance to be that great pet. Now, I am in no posistion to get a dog of my own right now, so I am realizing that I can't get a pit right now. But when I am able, and if Daniel agrees. I may save the life of a pit if its right. My daisy girl would want to save another life, just like we saved hers.

So Adopt a dog or cat! Or take in a stray! They are the best!

RIP Daisy May. I miss you baby girl.

Good Grief

So today is Daniel's birthday. All was well, I made it through the day of our 2 year anniversary, no problem. Happy as a lark ( I have yet to find out what a lark is).

Well tonight we go out to Nikkos Steakhouse, (great food by the way) located in Tyrone. Well its hibachi style so we have the chef, yada yada.

Well my chef singles me out for being the quiet girl, wish he would of focused more on my mom since it was her birthday! I was called Taylor Swift wanna be. Her hair is SO much better than mine. Anyways...the chef is like "awww you can go call him tonight..." I just sat in a bit of shock for 2 seconds...because..I can't call him. It hit me like a ton of bricks I wasn't celebrating Daniels birthday with him. So I teared up...saved it that time though. Was able to catch myself and bring myself together.

Then he started in again about how I can call him later...then they start talking about how Daniels in the Army...and I lost it. I couldn't stop myself, I felt like crap. I had to get up from the table. I was SO embarassed. I actually ended up leaving early, because I didn't want to sit there in front of people being upset, I hate looking vulnerable. It is REALLY not my style.

I hate being that upset when people have gone through 10x worse than what I am going through right now, I hate that. Makes me feel stupid. I have to tell myself "Courtney, SUCK IT UP!"

I am not this girl, never thought I would miss a man this much, or be this upset over a man. Anyone will tell you...that is not usually how I go about things. Generally, I am VERY independent and I don't need a man to do anything type of person. But unfortunately the love bug bit me... and bit hard. So I really do need him. Guess this is what falling in love does to you?

Good grief...is all I can say about myself right now. If its not one thing...it's another...and I wish I was a man in some situations so I didn't have to cry so much.

I had a moment...I really hate these moments.

One of those Days

It was definetely one of those days.

I am having an on going battle with my online school. To sum it up, they say I haven't been attending my online "webinars" correction I've attended 4, taken up 8 hours of my precious time, and yes it's precious. I could be writing my fiance a letter! Today they told me they didn't even have any records of me attending the classes. That ended up in me telling someone how to do their job. Wups?

THEN its that time of year where I have to get emissions and a new tag, and yada yada. Well emissions went smoothly, car passed. Well get to fayette county tag office (biggest joke ever) and lady gives me wrong amount for what I need to pay. I have one check. I have to go back tomorrow, because I had written the check already and then she went...oooh...noooo. Never fails when I hear those words.

I don't have much respect for anything Fayette County, personal reasons plus others. I think they are a bunch of crooks, except for the teachers. They are wonderful. And one cop. Besides that...not much respect.

So it was one of those days, but I am getting Franks for dinner, that should fix everything. Good food always does.

Power

You ever hear a song that makes you feel powerful or just boosts your self esteem? I love those, it puts me in a good posistion for the day.

It doesn't really apply to me or any situation that I am in presently but Carrie Underwoods "Undo It" really gets me going for some reason. Its upbeat and it is totally in other words a "kick a**" song. Makes me feel powerful. And makes me want to sing it to some of my ex's...no doubt.

Its the time of year when emissions on my car need to be done. But on top of that my oil also must be changed. Now everyone I have become a spoiled brat when it comes to getting my oil changed. I usually had Daniel do it. Saved me a bunch of money and time. Well...my mechanic is MIA until December and my car isn't waiting unfortunately. So I have to go pay for both...and I hate that. I am so cheap. I want the most work for the least money...makes me sort of Jewish I suppose?

It's getting super close to halloween...and as usual. I have no plans. Only to work until I am about dead at the Halloween Store. I am sure we will be totally flooded that day. It never fails. But I will be making money, only upside to that whole situation.

Well all of Daniels company had their phone privileges taken away. Someone can't get their stuff together, and I really would like to beat that person...
I know its trying to teach everyone a lesson, but c'mon! Not fair! I guess I'll have to shut up and get over it. Not good at that. But I am trying.

I sent him 4 letters in the mail today letters plus birthday cards and anniversary stuff. It all hits in one week, guess it's a good thing. Get it over with. Working towards just getting him home for awhile...all I seem to get up for in the mornings now, just to get that day over with. Sad...but very true.

But today is officially 2 months until Christmas, HOLY COW. Where does the time go? I hope it goes faster :) For selfish reasons of course. I've already got on the ball about christmas shopping I want it all done before Daniel comes home. So I don't have to fret when he comes home. I am smart...I know.

So 60 days until Christmas people...and 51 more days until Daniel comes home. Let's get it!

Honesty is the Best Policy!

So if anyone really knows me, they know me and my fathers relationship is no walk in the park. I don't have a problem sharing this, because it isn't a secret or not like anyone else hasn't walked this walk.

But tonight my father was in rare form..and of course we shared words...which is normal. I can't resist talking back, YES I do know we aren't suppose to talk back to our parents...but live in my house for a day and you'll take back, and quick.

But what he said was " I am always tip toeing around you now..." followed by some blah blah blah.

Well people, no need to tip toe around me. I am not dumb, and I can handle my crap. Im handling it now, and in all honesty, im handling it DAMN well. Excuse my french.

This is a NEW experience for me, give me a while to work my way into my new normal, okay? I'll get use to it, pinky promise. But before you go making comments like that...think twice.

Because I WILL react, and you will NOT like it.
I reacted to my father...and he didn't like it, because it was the truth. I commented back and said You don't have to tip toe around me....you aren't around me enough to tip toe.

It was the truth...and I have no problem letting him know. Or anyone know for that fact.

Don't pity me or make fun of me because I miss my future husband...don't judge my situation until you've walked a mile in my shoes. When you have, get back to me.

Also, while im on my rampage right now. People that think they are above and beyond others...you are so wrong. I don't need to hear any statistic about how my marriage may or may not work. I also, don't need you to tell me how different Daniel is going to be when he gets back.

YES he will be different but for the better, and YES I will still love him despite the changes, nothing changes true love. So again...if you want to feed my the BS about being married to a military man, try again. I love mine, with my entire being.

So to all of you military wives, fiances, girlfriends...you are the best...you can do this. As can I.

So HMPH!

Like I said, honesty is the best policy...and I am sticking to it!

Deployment

My worst fear...deployment. I never thought id be that woman..worried every day and second that her man will deploy to go fight this war. I didn't use to think this war was pointless. I use to think it was the right thing..and we needed to be where we are.

But now that I face the times of someone I love being where we are in this war...I don't like this war one bit. I would like for it to go away, and soon. I don't think they are working quick enough to end this. If they for a second walked in the shoes of a soldier or of a wife of a deployed soldier...they would think twice about everything they do. It must be so nice for politicians to sit in their mansions with their families and say we are going to end this war.

You don't sense our urgency for it to be over. Your soldiers backbones are waiting at home...and we'd really appreciate bringing them home.

No, Daniel is only in basic...not even close to deployment or even talks of it. But its very possible once he graduates from AIT. All to possible.

So republican or democrat...take a walk inside the shoes of a soldier or their family. Then honestly say you are going to end this war and bring our troops home. See if you can say it with a straight face and not have some guilt. Because you can't.

Im not asking them to do the impossible. I know these things take time. But get to it. We have soliders to bring home. Wives waiting..Children waiting...parents waiting.

Friend Day

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I've seen Daniel. That is insane. Time really is going by fast...It doesn't feel like it. But it really is. Only 59 more days left...seems like a lot. But its already gone from 70 something to 59.

This weekend has been amazing. I couldn't of asked for better friends. God truely blessed me with only the best friends. They have done their best to keep my mind off the obvious and let me try and have a good time. I appreciate them more than they will ever know! You know who you are.

Today was Friend Day at PTC3! I've participated in 8 Friend Days. It doesn't seem like that many...but i've been at the Church 8 years 2 months ago. I usually don't volunteer at Friend Day because usually you get sucked into helping wherever you are needed and this year I was in the food line. The BBQ Jim Nelms made, was AWESOME. It's what makes Friend day except for the obvious, Jesus.

It was nice to have some of the old gang back together. It's like we pick up right where we all left off in life, and act as if nothing has changed. That is awesome. I love those people. They are my family. I miss the days of youth group, a lot. I think about it often. But time makes people grow apart...and go down different paths. As it should. Sometimes, for the better.

People start college...having babies...getting married. Its insane...it seems like yesterday I was in middle school not being able to stand I couldn't be in the high school group where all the "cool" people where. Not knowing some of those "cool" people would be the best friends I have on this earth.

Life is just a shocker sometimes...you never know where people are going to land or be. Its sometimes fun to watch..and sometimes really sad.

But this week was good. I recieved 5 letters in 2 days from Daniel. They were beautiful. I needed them. Badly.

L-O-V-E letters

I recieved my first letter from Daniel today!!!! Made me bawl my eyes out. It was so sweet. I never expected Daniel to write a good letter...I thought it would be really short and to the point.

But in the letters he reaffirmed how much I love him and how much he loves me. So worth the wait...

So I went and mailed his letter(s) immediately...I've already written him like 10. I wanted to make sure I had the right address before I mailed them. I hope it doesn't take forever for him to get them...because I am sure he needs the letters just as bad as I do right now.

I am just so happy. Its been a great day for me....but not only for me but for a great friend that has had a good thing happen in her family! Yay to this day!

The early bird gets the worm...

I woke up at 7:30 this morning...I didn't go to bed until 2 AM. Its killing me. I just want to sleep in and enjoy sleep again, but my body doesn't seem to want to let me anymore. Its like I am on Daniel time in the Army...I always wake up about 5 AM and if I get lucky I can fall asleep for about 2 more hours...like I said...if I am lucky.

Haven't heard from Daniel since Sunday when he called, I am hoping for my first letter soon. I don't want to send any letters until I am 100% sure what his address is. When I find it out for sure, I will pass it on to everyone.

I am getting use to Daniel being gone...I really don't like it. I feel like im getting use to being almost single. I REALLY don't like that. But I know Im not, I know he still loves me no matter how much he may get to talk or write me. Because this love never fails.

Im just doing the every day dreaming about getting to see him at Family Day & Graduation...and getting to bring him home. Seems like a distant dream...but will be real. Soon. Because I have faith this will go fast. It has to...

Through The Years

Tonight, I look back at my grandparents and their lives together. They have been together for almost 60 something years...and they still are in love with one another.

They have never been rich...had overly nice things. But they were happy. And thats ALL that has mattered. My grandfather tells of stories of him in the Korean War, and my grandmother always says how far she drove to see him, and how she was so nervous but did it just to see him when he was at Basic Training. Seems familiar right?

I have never been overly envious of anyone...but I am of their marriage and life. I inspire to be my grandparents...down to the core. They have never been perfect...but they've been happy and loving.

My grandparents had a HUGE hand in raising me, and I am forever greatful. They made me the person I am. I love them very much. I also inspire to have a marriage like them.

I never want me or Daniels love to dwindle away like they do in so many marriages. I want him to know I love him every day...no matter how tough the day, week, month, year may be.

I know I have many years for this to come and to figure out how to make a marriage work...but I want it to work..and work right. I want that love that never ends & I believe I have found it through and through. He (Daniel) will probably read this and roll his eyes and go you are so girly, but thats us working...him rolling his eyes...and me punching him and telling him to get over it.

Then I will get that look...the look of I will roll my eyes at you..but I love you no matter what...and thats..what makes a marriage work. Forever.

One day at a time...

Well this morning I woke up not panicing...at first. So thats a start. I got a phone call from Daniel last night at about 7:30. He sounded ornery. Which I don't blame him I would sound ornery on only a couple hours of sleep too. But he still sounded sincere when he said he loved me and missed me...so I'll take what I can get. He said the hard stuff hasn't started yet and its mostly just been classes and that sort of stuff so prayers please for when it does get hard :)

Today seems like it will be a good day...I am just taking it a day at a time now...
64 more days...they've already been going by fast if you really think about it. Spent some valuable times with friends this weekend and hopefully will do the same this week & weekend...I am looking forward to it.

Well...

It's Sunday...and yesterday was the first day in 2 years I haven't had any contact with Daniel. It was weird, it was like he was a figment of my imagination all day. Like he didn't really exist.

This experience is really new for me. I don't know how to treat it. I went out with Emma last night at LaGrange had a good time...and I love her for that. But it never fails...I wake up in the morning and still panic..and still feel alone. Because I am use to doing that, and coming home to Daniel.

Hes going through some tough times these next 2 weeks..this is supposedly the toughest time for the guys. So please please say a prayer for him. I know I am.

Its Sunday, and I am wondering if hes gotten the drill sergeants that are nice and allow them to call maybe on Sundays...probably not but I can always hope right?

I have a feeling this next week won't be so bad, I hope. People are home for fall break and I will be around people more, so that makes me excited. It will make me stronger. I miss him...a lot. I feel like hes never coming back...and he will just not soon enough.

Teen Mom

I am very aware that being a teen mom is very difficult...I would not want to be in the shoes of whoever in that situation. But I believe it is do able. It is not impossible, I see examples of people doing it every day. So no offense to Teen Moms that are doing their thing :)

But the show Teen Mom, makes me wanna punch someone...especially Amber and Gary on the show. Like get your crap together, you have a little one running around now, you can't keep getting engaged and breaking up...you have to be adults! Stand up and do it. Like forreal?

Then Ryan...Maci's ex...Like kid you got it good...you live at home with your parents and you don't own up to anything adult. LUCKY YOU! Now don't get me wrong..I live at home..but I work full time and I go to school full time, so get off me. And I plan on living on my own with my husband in less than a year, once again get off me!

I am very lucky my parents have provided me with such a good life so I will be able to do those sort of things.

ANNOYED. haha

Broken

I received my last phone call from Daniel last night. It absolutely broke my heart. He was so nervous and wanting to come home...made me sick. I've never had such a urge to jump in my car and just go get him, even knowing I can't.

I feel so helpless...he has always been here for me when I've needed him during hard times, now during the most difficult time of his life, I have to sit back and do nothing, because I have no choice. How is that fair?

He is always the strong one and last night, the rolls reversed and I don't know how I feel about it. He is about to endure 10 weeks of the hardest mental and physical training of his life. I hope they don't mess him up to bad. I don't want him to come home, totally different. I fell in love with pre-Army Daniel...not the soldier Daniel, so that makes me nervous. I hope he can come home and relax and not feel like someone is going to be breathing down his back the whole time.

Every night since hes left i have the dream we are at Graduation and I am finally seeing him...its so real, then I wake up and its so far. Its not fair...it is just not fair. My mental health is going down the drain lately...this is just tough.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely...
-Charlie Brown

Exactly how I am feeling.

The First

Last night I experienced my first real mental break down of my life. I thought I had had one, but last night was real, too real.

I was just talking to my mom about it and trying to get feelings out and I just broke down, had to walk away and just cry..and cry... it sucked. And my poor mother, she just comforted me because theirs nothing else she can do. I just couldn't control my body or my emotions at that point, I was mentally exhausted.

But Daniel texted me this morning :) at 5:45 AM :( . All it said was "I miss you.." that just broke my heart. Because I think its hitting him now, like it hit me Monday. So I didn't go back to sleep...my heart started racing, and I began panicing...This is really scaring me. I've never had so called "panic attacks". Like my mind knows hes fine..but its a mind battle...and its all about myself, I ask myself am I fine though? No.

Do I have to eventually be? Yes. God I hope I will be. I have good friends and a good mother to help me just breath and try to move on from a moment. Thats all I need right now..just to help get through the moment.

I have to work at the halloween store from 4-9. I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I am going to try. People make me panic at this point.

Getting Married

With Daniel being gone, I am thinking a lot about our future marriage.
And in all honesty, I cannot wait to be with him for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to wake up to him every morning. I can't wait to sleep next to him every night and have him fall asleep and do his twitches he always has...its my favorite.

I cannot wait to be his new bride. I can't wait to be a McIntyre. Not for a very long time, but I cannot wait until we have our children together...I cannot wait to see little me and hims. Its going to be awesome, and SCARY.

I can't wait to be announced for the first time, Welcome Mr. and Mrs. William Daniel McIntyre...I mean how awesome is that going to sound?

I miss him...but my future husband will come home to me. YES! I am going to have mental breakdowns along the way..but he will come home and make me better people. Trust me.

I know.

I know I have posted now 3 times. But this helps me vent..and scream my heart out.
Daniel just got on the bus for Fort Jackson, makes me wanna scream.

I am so selfish..I don't want him to go! I just don't. I don't want someone screaming in his face. I don't want him to be gassed. I don't want him gone. This makes me just sick..I know this to shall pass...but it never seems like it! It seems SO far away. So unreachable!

I miss my anniversary, his birthday, and thanksgiving with him. It just breaks my heart. I had done so well today and now him stepping on that bus makes me so panicked...no no no.

I had done better today... I guess these are just some of those moments...

Courtney Lee McIntyre

I love when Daniel tells me he loves me..I love it even more when he says "I love you Courtney Lee McIntyre" it makes my day.

It reminds me of our future lives together and that this seperation will not be forever. Which is so comforting.

People keep telling me this puppy love will end..its only because its brand new. And that just puzzles me... Why do people think you shouldn't always have puppy love with your hubby. Wheres the fun in that?

I know theres hard time/ good times/ REALLY hard times. But thats what hes there for! To be your love and support system.

Me and Daniel have been together for almost 2 years...and I love him the same I did when I first fell in love with him. And TRUST ME...we've been through some crap together. Especially on my part.

Sorry Sorry I keep hitting on this topic, but it just makes me throw my hands up!

Also I apologize for my sappy love, but it helps to remind myself that my relationship does still exist even if hes gone!

What a Teaser...

So since Daniel has left I have talked to him every day. What a stinking teaser, because I know my luck. He will get to Jackson, and I won't talk to him barely ever!

Its really unfortunate, Daniel was suppose to leave yesterday, and he got held back instead. Had to many guys already on the bus! Then this morning hes texting me, (because he finally has his phone) he finally got called up and will get to go.

He made the mistake of telling me, that if he didn't get called today he would quit and come home and try something else, like Navy or UTI ( mechanic school). So selfish me was like DON'T CALL HIM UP! He can come home! So so so so selfish of me.

But of course at like 9 am, he got called up this morning. So he is officially going. I knew he would get called up...but I had a last glimpse of hope.

You see the military life, isn't for me. I don't think it ever will be. But to be with him, I will make it my life. I never pictured marrying someone, who is never going to be around...because deployments are going to happen, whether I like it or not.

I can only cross my fingers and hope that this war starts to end..and he doesn't have to go. But I don't have much hope of that either...I am barely handling this much less a deployment, so we will just have to see how I can work out my emotions. I can't stop thinking about him..and being somewhat sad..so I don't know what the heck I would do during that.

My emotions are so up and down right now..and not only that I have a stomach bug! ewwww. So I really feel like crap. Unfortunately I think the only thing that is going to make me feel okay is getting to see Daniel in December...I don't like the way im feeling right now, and im not sure how in the world I am going to get out of this rut.

It is so difficult to go from seeing someone..everyday..sometimes all day..to not seeing them at all..and not only seeing them but even hearing their voice. It puts me in a tail spin. BIG TIME.

I feel pathedic..and like a loser..because I am so dependent on him. Its not even right...but I am..and so be it. I always will be. Women are always telling me ENJOY IT! Its a nice break! Youll want these breaks later in life..and..thats so sad to me...I am like he is your husband..don't you want to have him home? I mean yeah one or 2 weeks, no biggy...

But when women get excited their husbands are leaving for months...that just saddens me. I love Daniel, and I love being with him. Hints why I want to marry him. Sometimes I just don't understand it.

Love sucks!

Okay so my second day...I am finally going to go public with this blog..doubt anyone will read it..but getting my emotions out is good for the soul and I just happen to not mind people reading them.

It was ROUGH this morning..I cried all morning at work..thought life wasn't going to go on. Then my boss made me laugh and it just HIT me. I am going to be okay! Daniel is going to come home, and I am still going to be in love with the same man that left! Hes my heart! Here or at Fort Jackson.

So to get my mind off of it..I shopped online..thats right..I spend money to control my emotions..get off me!

I also realized, my friends are AMAZING! I can't name you all..but you know who you are. You are special human beings to put up with my crying pathedic self! Bless you all!

And to all of my mommies and especially my own...you are amazing..thank you for reaching out and treating me like your own..and to my momma..you are the best..I may act like I don't need you..but I do 24/7. Today was the day I realized again..like every day..God is good! So GOOD! He puts people like you all in my life..and just makes me say my prayers every day. No joke.

I am still going to cry every once in awhile..because im telling myself LOVE SUCKS to just make myself get use to this being away from Daniel. Im not use to being away from him...so give me time to adjust!
I feel better just typing all of this.

I truely cannot wait to see him...the count down begins! 74 days! Not very long when you think of a lot of women who have their men deployed..I think about them when I get sad..because..they are the true heroes!

I will probably go through 20 different emotions in the next 74 days and especially beyond that but, I hope yall enjoy my life..I am going to be honest on here...as blunt as can be..Because thats who I am.

You either love me or hate me...I would prefer you love me..and enjoy my ups and downs of life!

Heart Broken...

So today was the day. Daniel left.
I am sitting in my room and I can't believe he isn't here sitting with me...

I don't know what to do with myself..I feel lost as ever. I can't remember a time in the last 2 years we have been apart this long. I don't like it.

I know people are like suck it up. Hes not leaving forever. But people need to understand, this man is my life. I cannot help I have fallen head over heels for him. He is my right hand man. He can't do wrong by me. I don't like being far way from him, I like being apart of his life..not knowing makes me panic.

Driving home after dropping him off..I seriously thought I could drive off a cliff. No no I am not suicidal...but thats how I felt. My world seemed to disappear through the doors of the recruiters office...I watched and just bawled my eyes out.

Daniel kept telling me how beautiful I am and how everything was going to be alright. I want so badly to believe him...but my heart is so broken I would just rather relish in my own misery right now.

Don't let this make you think I am not proud of him. He is doing one of the most stand up things and I am SO proud of him. Hes my knight in shining armor...but I want him here. Next to me...But hes not and I am miserable.

What am I gonna do?

Update...on this thing we call life.

I keep slacking on this thing. Wups?

Daniel is officially going October 5th 2010 into the Army..HOOAH! I guess? Ha-ha. Life has been a lot different lately. We no longer live in Coweta County, but we now live at my Grandparents house, its different, but its another version of home. I miss my other home A LOT. I drive past it almost every day and it pulls at my heart strings. I feel like its still my house, and it doesn't really belong to the people that own it now. I feel like I could still say, get the hell out of my house! But no more.

Everyone is on their way back to college, some for their freshman year most of us for sophomore year. It is wild how grown up we are. It blows my mind. People are having babies left and right and others are getting engaged and married left and right. I just can't believe it.

I realize every day I miss the old days. I miss riding my bike down Berkeley Place and yelling at Cara and the Richey kids...where does the time go? I miss me and Cara arguing over nothing and watching Lamar and Nick play football outside. I miss when times were easy.

That is all. Good night world!

Army

Daniel has signed up for the Army for 8 years. 3 active duty and 5 will be in reserves, but of course that could change as he may like it. He leaves October 5th for BT (Basic Training). I am trying to learn all this military lingo. I could really care less about it, but I have to learn it.

Him leaving for 2 months for basic will probably be some of the most challenging months of my life. It will be like losing a best friend. I won't be able to speak with him except through letters, and of course Daniel hates to write. So I probably won't hear much from him.

I hope he doesn't change to much. I love him just the way he is, I don't want a lot of change. I know for sure he will look really good in a uniform though. So that is always promising.

But I will miss him deeply, I hate I won't be able to talk to him any time I please. I hate I won't be able to hug and kiss him anytime I please. It will be like the army owns him, owns us, and I don't like it. But I will be strong for him, for us. I want us to make it through this. I hope we can survive this as a couple. I have hope, and supposedly thats all you need. But here is a cute picture of the child im nannying for until hopefully I marry Daniel and we go where he is :)

Positive Thoughts

So Daniel has decided to go into the Army for sure. I absolutely hate it. I refuse to hide my feelings about it, because well thats just not me. I never once in my life thought I would end up with someone in the military, and quite frankly I don't want that lifestyle. But what choice do I have? I love the man, and I don't want to lose him.

The thought of him leaving...breaks me down. It makes me literally have a mental break down. He is my best friend. I also hope him to be my future husband, yes I said it HUSBAND. I am a believer that young love is real and lasting. Ask my grand parents...they are going on like 60 years.

I love him more than life itself. It is why I am in this with him. That being the only reason. I am hoping abscence makes the heart grow fonder...but I worry it will be the other way. Thats what really worries me.

But I am thinking positive thoughts....I have to...for my sanity.

Hey remember me?

So it has been awhile...over a month. Sorry :/

Anyways! Life has been good, got back from Florida. Caught over 300 fish! It was ridiculous. But it was fun and a well deserved vacation. Since then I have been working and babysitting a 17th month old little boy, he is adorable. He keeps me smiling when nothing else will.

Life has been challenging lately. I keep thinking about Daniel going into the military, and it really makes me upset. I really don't want him to go, but I know it is an honorable thing. I know it will help him in the end, I just hope it doesn't ruin our relationship getting to that point.

Besides my relationship being challenging, my home life has also been challenging. We are trying to sell our house, and its just not happening. I really don't want it to sell, but I need it too. For my mother and fathers sake. All I will say is I am tired of being the adult in the situation and wish the rolls would reverse at some point.

But here is some pictures to update on my life :)

He Paid It All

Today is the day before Easter, so in Wally World today, I saw many rushing to find that perfect easter basket and chocolate bunny. But, I was like dang, shouldn't you worry about getting to Church in the morning to worship the King who died for you?! I mean...don't get me wrong, I LOVE my chocolate bunny I get every year. But its a new year and another Easter...it will be a day worth relishing on.

But even though tomorrow is Jesus Day...we had to be occupied some how tonight. So Daniel and few of his buddies went and played basketball in Tyrone with some other graduated Sandy Creek kiddos. Fun stuff...sweaty boys.

When I got home, even though I am 19 years old, I GOT A EASTER BASKET! yay! I love it...I hope I get one until im 50!

It was another day that I really enjoyed...the weather makes for good times and good feelings.

One more day until Horseshoe Beach...and relaxation...I will update pictures when I get back. I doubt I will post tomorrow, but you mayyy get lucky, even though I know no one is reading this, its good to get it off my chest each night if im not fighting sleep!

Night World!

Success

Last night was one of the firsts nights that I had an actual good night in a really long time...I got to see friends I hadn't seen in weeks...which was SO nice. I got to see Emma and Katie Martin, whom I love. I even got to get some quality time with Daniel in. Then we got to chill in the hot tub with Robin and Matt. So that night was pretty much a success.

It was the first time in months me and Daniel have stayed out past midnight...yes we are the old fart couple that never goes out. So it was a good change for us to actually get out and enjoy ourselves for once.

But the WEATHER! It has been so nice here in GA. 80 degrees yesterday, it makes me remember why I love summer so much! Summer is the season that defines my being...love love love it.

Florida trip is coming up on Monday, I cannot wait. It will be some good QUIET quality time with the man I love, plus others. Also may get somewhat of some tan on and good eating.

Easter is this Sunday, I have a really cute dress. But thats not the reason for Easter of course, praise Jesus in all this mess and enjoy your Easter Sunday everyone!

God Bless!

No parent should ever have to bury their child

Unfortunately this week has not been good. My beautiful cousin Anna passed away at the age of 29. She left behind her parents Ken and Bonnie Perry, brother Robert Perry, and her husband Martin Gaines.



I just got back from her visitation at the funeral home, absolutely heart breaking. She looked so peaceful in the casket, it was hard to realize, she isn't coming back. Her poor body has gone through so many illnesses...that it finally just gave out. She had a heart attack Friday night...and she stopped breathing. I can't believe shes gone...she was so young, so innocent, hadn't even really lived life yet.



I really can't imagine what her family and husband is going through, its just not right. But I know she is in a much better place. She is in peace and has a healthy body. I know she is up there talking and loving on my grandparents and her grandmother who she is going to be buried by. I envy her...I miss my grandparents. She isn't having to go through anymore pain...and thats comforting...



I walked out of the funeral home, and just cried. It hurts...death hurts. I wish it upon no family. I know death is not bad for the person who has died, especially if they are a believer...you are going to an amazing place...but the family you leave behind, hurts...



Her poor husband, they haven't even been married that long...he looked in such a daze...Lord please keep your hands on him through this grieving process....poor man.

It has been a long week, period the end.

Rest in Peace Anna Perry Gaines you were loved by many and you will be missed by many.

The First

Well here is my first blog. I can only think of one reason I started blogging, Daniel. I just recently had the bomb dropped on me that Daniel wants to join the Air Force. I am SO proud of him for what he has decided to do. I am glad my man chose to serve his country. But, on the other side, I don't want him to go.

Since me and Daniel started dating we haven't spent much time apart, yes you may think suck it up girl, but he is my best friend, so get off me. So this whole going off to basic and leaving me, isn't the best idea in my head, but I want him happy, and if getting up at 5 am to screaming drill sargants is his thing, then go for it baby! :)

I will have to get many more hobbies when the time comes for him to leave. Maybe sewing? Running? Who knows...i'll figure it out. I keep being told im strong and will make it through this, im sure I will but im not so sure of it right now, but who wouldn't be a little scared?!

But God has my back and has my best interest, so I will be fine as long as I trust in God with my everything.

BUT, I will miss him...A LOT. So everyone keep the prayers for me coming!

Peace Out.